My elderly father that I have been taking care of...fell last week and broke his hip. Now since 2014, I have had to be the unwilling person who has had to deal with a lot of tragedy's. I found my best friend and roommate's body in the his upstairs apartment. He had a massive heart attack at the age of 46 and had passed away the day before in the apartment just over my head. I had always drank, but finding his body pushed me over the edge. Every time I closed my eyes, I would see his dead body on my floor. I couldn't sleep and instead of trying to get more help, I let alcohol take over my life. Is a person disabled from drinking. I some ways, I believe yes. It was my choice to let it have control over me, but I was just trying to not "lose it" myself. When in fact that is exactly what I was doing.
I quit drinking on April 1, 2018. I knew that I had to at that point and I finally truly wanted to. My mother passed away later that year. Right before Christmas of that year, as a matter of fact. I was with her when she passed from dementia and I saw her take her last breath. At that point, I never wanted to start drinking more in my life. However, I beat back these impulses and turned away from drinking again. Even though, I was still being accused of it by certain people with whom I will never have a good relationship again. I have tried to be an island in doing this, but now I truly see the positivity in support. Especially from the one's that you love. I feel like many friends and family members truly let me down by accusing me instead of supporting me in what I was doing. This is a long story and this is only the half of the situation that I will write more about on a later date and time. I hope that I am reaching people through what I have been through. Sometimes I feel like I am preaching to an empty church.